För några dagar sen tänkte jag visa er min lunch (i fredags var det....) men glömde bort det. Here it is. Kalkon & avokadosallad med spicy salladdressing, mycket godare än det ser ut. Jag behövde lite tid för mig själv och drog till mitt favorit-lunch-ställe och satt där ensam och åt min sallad. Lite mobbat - men det var superskönt.

Senare hamnade jag hos Tanisha och satt ute på trappen i timmar och pratade om livet. Life sucks. Så är det meste delen av tiden. Efter att ha kommit fram till det släpade jag med henne hem och så gav vi oss på baren =) Somnade dock tidigt eftersom jag skulle upp tidigt igen.....

Kevin gjorde en frukostmacka åt mig och hade skivit "Jag älskar dig" Haha, so sweet. Små saker som gör livet mer roligt ♥

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Slappar i sängen och väntar på att älskling ska komma hem...han ska jobba dubbla pass i 3 dagar nu så kommer inte få sova tillsammans förens på lördag igen =( MEN syrran kommer ju imorgon så det blir helt underbart! Sen landar Siri på torsdag också, så kör vi party, party tjejkväll på Manhattan på fredag sen ♥ Lördag blir picknick med Kevins jobb som varje sommar, typ att byggubbarna visar upp sina fruar/flickvänner, barn....det var ifs trevligt last year.... Det kommer bli en super helg - synd bara att jag måste hoppa in och jobba söndag fast jag egentligen skulle vara ledig....ibland måste man offra sig! Jag hoppas det tänker på det när jag ska ta ledig över hela julen!

Har precis lockat håret. Jag vet hur töntigt det låter men lockarna är alltid bättre dagen efter så det så. Dessutom ska jag på bio med Jennifer imorgon efter jobbet - och syrran om hon hinner gasa sig igenom trafiken innan filmen börjar. Hur som helst - kul att vara lite piffig iblad iaf, jag ser ju oftast ut som Lilla My.

Teskedsgumman tänkte jag skriv först, men när jag googlade för en bild ångrade jag mig haha, vilken frilla hon hade alltså! Men jag älskade verkligen teskedsgumman, och sån härlig dialekt, påminner om min mormor ♥

Just det ja, och jag PMS:ar galet just nu jag skrattar typ åt mig själv varje gång. Så kan det vara. Men ja, läste en hemsk men samtidigt fin text som nån hade lagt upp på facebook om äktenskap, har lust att lägga ut den här men frågan är om ni skulle orka läsa den....Skulle ni?

Jag ville ha blått...sen funderade jag på vanliga vita tippar men sen bestämde jag mig för rosa och det slutade med det här...kaoset...eller vad man nu ska kalla det. Mina kinagubbe på nagelsalongen gillar mig inte längre haha... men det duuuuger och ni får stå ut med en hemsk närbil där man kan se färger och lim utanför och allt. Ska tvätta handerna noga ikväll och fixa till kanterna lite. Visste ni att jag egentligen HATAR när någon pillar med mina händer, fötter och mitt hår så egentligen tycker jag det är pest och pina att get my nails done, men vad gör man inte för att känna sig kvinnlig och snygg?!

Gårdagen fynd: Hittade min gamla gästbok fylld med sjuka dikter, hälsningar och fyllesnack. Den lilla röda boken som hängt med i alla lägenheter jag bott, men alla vänner jag bott med och festat ihop med. Jag jobbar på att övertala baby att ha den i vårt hus men han mumlade nåt om att det kommer aldrig hända....men man ska aldrig säga aldrig och vi vet ju alla att män inte ser detaljer så jag ska nog kunna ha den i vardagsrummet trots allt....

....åtminstonde för en vecka framåt....

Plugga är INTE min grej - not at all - speciellt inte matte....men vad gör man inte för att hitta ens drömjobb (igen...) jag kommer nog aldrig hitta ett jobb som jag ♥ som jag gjorde med Clarion Hotel Sign, men försöka duger väl. Som sagt - jag förbereder mig för mitt placeringstest!

 

Ser ni hur snyggt mina naglar matchar de blå färgskvätten på byxorna. Lovely - väldigt modernt!